Triggered (February 5th 2013)
She can’t tell you why she hates crumbs in the butter; why she knifes those little brown specs so frantically whenever she sees them. She can’t explain why she gets so upset when you touch her. All she can say is how much everything reminds her of him.
Broken promises, empty threats, arguing over dishes; it was always about dishes. Broken glass, restricted airways, holes in the walls; Eyes bulging, face red, throat hoarse.
Vision blurred by tears that finally come, dripping heavily, easily flowing and leaving wet tracks in their wake. Like slugs going the speed of bowling balls down the lanes. Strike!
The tears are salty on her tongue as she tries to speak. He used to beat them for crying. Her mother was angry when they tried to hide. “He isn’t going to hurt you!” she scolded.
But in the night he came, and mother was wrong. He hurt her. And even now that he’s gone, it still hurts. Everyone else is trying to bring him back home, while she sits in the basement, trapped by fear of not only him, but everyone around her.
Monsters and ghosts haunt her in the dark. Her heart skips a beat at every sound. Every shape a demon that would tear her to pieces; Every movement provoking the beasts to attack. Afraid to breathe, she curls into herself, faith lost, spirit broken.
She is the embodiment of fear itself; a fear that cannot be subject to reason. She tries and tries to convince herself that she is safe, that monsters don’t exist here. But she can’t believe any different. He broke her.
"You need help; medicine. You’re sick," her friend insists, concerned.
"I’m always sick," she responds.
No, she can’t tell you why she hates crumbs in the butter. All she knows is that she’s sick. And that’s the way she’ll always be.
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